Relationships can take a fair degree of work and there are lots of rules about how to do it. It would appear that it would be easier to point out what people do wrong and how they manage to ruin a relationship. This is for a laugh, however, like all humour there is a degree of truth behind all of these tips. Have fun and enjoy.

TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED – In the beginning you had to pull out all the stops to impress them, you had to open car doors, pay for meals, be ready on time, avoid arguing, use your manners, don't fart or burp, and of course, look your best when going out. That was until you had won them. Now that you've got them, it doesn't matter. If you want to sit there and wait for them to read your mind to do something for you, feel free and make sure that they know they should be grateful being able to look after you.

PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART – Make sure not to tell too much. Anything said to a partner can be used against you in an argument, so make sure to only say what needs to be said. It is not fun being hurt with accusations, guilt trips and resentment, so why give them even more ammo to hurt you even more.

FALL IN LOVE JUST THE ONCE – Once you have them and you know you've got them, you don't need to say I love you anymore. If you've married them, you definitely don't need to say it again, you've married them, that's the proof you love them.

ALWAYS TRY TO TWEAK THEM – When you first met, they looked hot and dressed well. They become complacent and forget about all the effort they used to put in and they need you to remind them that they are slipping and should pull their socks up. You definitely want to tweak them if they have some behavioural problem, like wanting you to clean up after yourself or help with the kids / shopping / cleaning etc

IT’S YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX THEM – If you don't point it out to them, they will probably never realise that they've slipped in their standards. Someones faults are always easy to point out because they are in denial.

IT'S NEVER YOUR FAULT – Remember that you are perfect the way you are and your partner has all the problems. They made you angry, they made you late, they made you lazy. It has to be their fault, because if you could change it, you would, right?

REMIND THEM OF THEIR BLAME – You need to regularly remind them of what they have done to cause all this bad stuff in your life. Reminding them regularly ensures that they can do something about it. If you don't remind them, they stop trying to fix it all and if that happened, where would that leave you?

BE SILLY – Life's too short to be responsible. Far too heavy to worry about bills, savings, investing, keeping the house immaculate, and all that other downer stuff. You need to get stuff to make you happy and the more expensive the better.

BE CONSIDERATE WITH GIFTS – Remember that you know them well and you know that your wife / girlfriend wants that kitchen gadget because she loves to cook for you, or you buy your husband / boyfriend that sweater because you know it will look great on him and trim ten kilo's off his frame. Ignore what they are saying because they are just trying to be nice so you don't stress.

WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO – If you are with your partner, remember that you can always multi-task and they won't mind. Check your Facebook while they drive, start listing all the stuff you have to do at work while having dinner, catch up on your sleep during the visit to the cinema. There's always a lot to squeeze in so go for it.

REMEMBER THE BEST BIT ABOUT SEX – Make sure that you enjoy yourself. They want you to be happy, so if you've already 'arrived' that is fine, they can always carry on without you. Besides, you have things to do, right? Also, foreplay is over-rated, so why bother.

BE CLOSE ALL THE TIME – When she is trying to have a private conversation on the phone to her girlfriend who has just been dumped, help her cope by asking her where your clean socks are. If he is about to start discussing the game with his mates, enquire about where he is at with the gardening. Partners enjoy these interactions because it helps them stay grounded.

TOUGH IT OUT – If you have a problem of some sort, don't mention it to your partner, you need to just get on with it. They don't need to hear your problems anyway, so push it down there somewhere and forge on ahead. You don't want those pesky emotions coming up do you?

DON'T FORGET YOU – Remember that a relationship needs the balance of you time, so make sure you set up an account especially for those times when you just want to splurge. I mean, you work hard for that money so why shouldn't you have your own share for that motorbike or that dress. The bills can wait. As for that work colleague that seems keen on you, and is flirting every day. Don't mention that to your partner, it only upsets them.

ACCEPT THAT THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE – At the start you asked all the probing questions, you know the ones, where do you live, where did you go to school. That's all you need to know. People don't change, so you don't need to keep asking those pesky questions. It's like the old saying “A leopard never changes it's spots”, that's what that means isn't it?

DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY – Spend it, that's what you earn it for, right? You work hard, you deserve to enjoy it. Whether it's a new doo-dad for your car, some geeky gadget or a new handbag or dress, go for it. I know you've three almost identical ones at home at the moment, but it'll make you feel better.

HOLD ONTO GRUDGES – What's the point of having an argument and building up all that emotion if you can't get the most out of it. Make sure to remind them of their error at semi-regular intervals, like every other day or so. If possible, remind them at every wedding anniversary, especially if it's one of those pesky multiples of ten, like fifty. If you can hold that grudge for the whole fifty years, even better, because then you've really got value out of that grudge.

ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE – At the start anyway. Once you've got them, love just works itself out. You don't need to feed it, once you've been with them a while, it all just works itself out, so don't stress, it'll all be good.