Every journey tells you a little something about a person. This is a bit of my story.
Any story can be dragged out and end up boring you senseless. I'm not that cruel. I'm going to tell you my story in four very brief chapters. This is because my life basically had four chapters. Now, to let you know how badly I screwed it up. I will give you some details in each of the four chapters. I am not trying to say that I have had it worse than anyone else, because I have met some people who are truly being tested and I have met some people who are impressed that I am still going. Every journey challenges us and we can all learn from each other. I hope you can learn from my journey.
FEBRUARY 1996 - IT ALL TURNED TO S#@T!!!
I had done what you are "meant to do". I started in my trade and worked hard, I had met someone who I felt I could be with for life, we had gotten married and bought a house, we had two gorgeous little boys who I loved being a dad to, and suddenly in the midst of a very, very, challenging time in my life, my wife of just four years announces she is leaving me. No chance of fixing it. DONE!
My world proceeded to fall apart in a major way. In one fell swoop I lost my wife, my marriage, my role as a "being there every day father" and on top of my other challenges really tore me apart. During this period, I struggled financially, emotionally, mentally, socially and it nearly did me in. This was my absolute rock bottom and I regularly contemplated suicide for nearly two years just to try and end the pain that never seemed to ease.
During this time I was confused, lost, felt aimless and dispirited, and as a consequence, after I start to recover and feel a little less battered, is that I start learning whatever I can to try and make sense of it all. I loved being a hands-on Dad, and still love being a dad. From my separation onwards, I had to settle for seeing my two boys every second weekend. That was really hard, saying goodbye each time. It tore my heart out.
It sucked big time.
FEBRUARY 1998 - LET'S GIVE IT ANOTHER GO
As I start to feel I am getting it together a little bit, I meet the woman who is to become wife number two eight years later. It's all looking great until we move in together, then it all turns south. The relationship is toxic, we fight just about every waking hour and it is not healthy, enjoyable, or of benefit for either of us. There seems to be few moments of happiness and far too many moments where we are arguing and making each other miserable.
Regardless, for some ridiculous reason, we persist for over a decade in making each other miserable. Eventually, I see that it is not going to change and so I end it. It is a hard decision and I have to start all over again, again. I am still struggling mentally, socially, emotionally, financially. I am back at the start once again and I tend to feel only anger. My emotions are shattered, I feel battered and I am terrified of what lies ahead, however, I have to just get on with it. It sucks. I feel like I am stuck in groundhog day.
I am still learning though. At this point I have put over a decade of time, effort, and money into trying to get my life sorted. I am struggling to pull all the information together and get my results. Why is it so freaking hard? It's not meant to be this hard, right? I've read all the books, learned from the courses, listened to the audio, watched the clips and so much more. When does it start to get better.
At least I am slowly working out what is important and I still see my sons every second weekend. A glimmer of light in my life. I still enjoy being a dad for my boys.
JANUARY 2010 - IT STARTS TO COME TOGETHER
I finally receive a lesson that turns my life around. Ironically, it has come from the woman that caused me a lot of pain, my second wife. In fact, it is because of her that I ended up where I am today. Now I am very grateful for that "angry" woman and what I went through. I just wish I had gained the lesson a lot sooner. It would have saved both of us a lot of time, and effort as well as so much emotional, mental, and energetic damage. Always easy when you look back though.
I use this information to create a system that levels up my relationship skills. I meet a woman who allows me be far more relaxed and be myself. Sadly, I allow my old habits to come back due to my slipping back into misalignment. It starts great and slowly becomes worse. Three years later, I decide to end it when I realise that it isn't going to work. She is still a lovely woman, even though we aren't a good enough fit.
My parenting is really coming together. I am starting to feel a bit better within myself. I am a bit better off emotionally. When it comes to how I am doing financially, mentally, I could certainly be doing better. There may be hope after all. It looks like I am starting all over again, again, again. Far out.
FEBRUARY 2014 - FINALLY, SUCCESS!!!
I have been in my new unit for close to two years and I realise that I am developing a relationship with my couch that is way too comfortable and if I don't do something I will be stuck there for years. It's time to get my shit together. I spend a number of months going through all of my learnings, fine tuning my systems as well as looking at my misalignment. I plug the big holes in my systems and give it a red-hot go. I make a commitment to my journey, and even though I am terrified, I open the door and get started.
My relationship with my boys is going great due to my working out a number of things, I'm feeling more confident in my systems and after talking to over 170 women in seven weeks I meet a real cutie and realise that this could be it. I am surprised because I view myself as shy and reserved and I managed to build my social confidence in those seven weeks as well as discover the real me. Three months later, I have an epiphany that I could easily spend the rest of my life with her, and nineteen months later, ask her to marry me.
I have my intimate relationship that is going great now, my friendships have improved, I have culled some dead wood, and things are certainly looking better. Since then it gets better every day and I now feel congruent with who I authentically am. I am now in touch with my emotions, I choose how I feel and now I start helping others to get their results.
Every aspect of my life has improved and I am grateful for everything that I have. Life is good.
Like all journeys, there is much that has been left out. The many other challenges that even though they were significant, would only bog the story down. The mentioning of the judgements that I created about my partners which is not part of their journey, but mine. The stuff that is minor and still challenging. The stuff that I blew out of proportion and made a bigger issue than it was. It all would have bored you. You get where I'm coming from though. I had some challenges, as we all do, and there is something that I want you to understand.
If I can manage to get my life turned around, then everyone has a chance. Especially you!
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